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5th August 2006

1:28am: this is about everyone and no one
Once people make up their mind about something, they can go to extraordinary lengths to convince themselves that they are right. No matter if they're wrong or not.

My new favorite word: "should." This is added to the list that already contains the "can't/won't" fallacy as well as the "because it is" argument. If you need any of these elaborated upon, well...

Life = confusion, work, sleepless nights, crappy weather, no money, the entirely unforseen chance of being in two bands (three, technically?) at once, and the realization that I have wasted my summer.

The end.

(1 attemptattempts hashave been made | approach)

19th July 2006

11:50pm: and if I last through the winter
"Comfortable," the beach, work and Aspect Deletion.

Living day to day has me verging on what some people would call "optimism," or what they'd assume me being optimistic to be like.

And perhaps they're right. But not in their version of optimism.

And I'm not sure how long I can keep this up.

Current Mood: burnt

(2 attemptattempts hashave been made | approach)

7th July 2006

10:35am: everything I say or do is full of meaning
I'm so happy.

Everything is looking up.

What a beautiful day.

I love being alive. Especially right now.

Current Mood: just fucking great

(3 attemptattempts hashave been made | approach)

2nd July 2006

10:53am: "obligated"
All the lyrics to "Intolerance" by Tool. Oldie, but seems appropriate at the moment. (Oh, no! An angry song! whodathunkit?)

People have been throwing around a lot of all-encompassing statements lately, without seeming to realize that whatever supposedly profound tidbits they happen to be spewing apply to everyone. Statements dealing with "following your heart" or "seizing the day" or "having faith" all tend to be one-sided in the eyes of the speaker, i.e. they are the ones "allowed" to follow their heart and seize the day and have faith that what they want will happen. Rarely, if ever, do I hear someone talk in such generalities and hear them mention anything about the opposite viewpoint.

Hardly anybody even reads this anymore. Perhaps I've come full circle on here as well.

(1 attemptattempts hashave been made | approach)

16th June 2006

6:22pm: it's the network
when you call someone and you're waiting for the phone to start ringing and you realize the call isn't going through. and there isn't even a fucking timer going. no "calling..." nothing. just makes my day. a pointless post, I know. just thought you could probably empathize.

oh and got my speakers installed which were supposed to be for the drive up. installation took six hours.

sidenote: my typing is all messed up. I go to type a word and end up with the completely wrong tense or verb conjugation. like "installation" a couple sentences before was almost "installating," which isn't even a word. it appears that I'm attaching endings that don't make any sense. poetic justice.


12th June 2006

3:41am: Not confused any more. Not at all.
Don't talk to me if you're going to lie. Not too much to ask. Common human decency, that sort of thing.

Current Mood: fucking awesome


11th June 2006

11:53pm: ending hollywood
I keep on having these daydreams where I look out my window to see a car pulling up that I shouldn't see. Where I'm getting on a plane and she stops me. Where I stop her. Where there's some kind of audience-pleasing ending.

I've watched too many movies.


31st May 2006

2:00am: last piece of hope
you know, a part of me still thinks that this is just a really, really bad dream.

Current Mood: confused

(3 attemptattempts hashave been made | approach)

30th May 2006

2:55am: I feel more alone than I ever have before.

And nothing seems to help.

Current Mood: confused


26th May 2006

12:12pm: but of course
Tyler: At age 41, you will fall into a tank at a large aquarium and be eaten by suckerfish.

Current Mood: sick

(2 attemptattempts hashave been made | approach)

24th May 2006

12:51pm: This is what I've felt, and continue to feel
Have you ever hoped for something no matter how impossible it seems? Have you ever had it pay off? Have you ever had it not? Have you kept on going even though you knew something was too much to hope for?

I have. And I will.


4th February 2006

1:40pm: The only reason to post...


That's right. Striction. Live. Finally.

10:00pm TONIGHT at The Jumping Turtle in San Marcos.

Sorry kiddies, but this one's 21+.

Show up at 10pm, say you're there to see Striction, and get in free. It's as simple as that.

We (and I) would really like to see all our friends there, and our friends' friends, if possible. See you all tonight.
Current Mood: anxious


24th April 2005

10:24am: One Month
It's almost pointless to update this anymore. Yes, a lot's been going on, but everyone close to me knows that already. I'm pretty sure the Striction LJ gets updated more than this one does (and everyone in Striction seems to be doing the same thing).

Is LiveJournal dead? Should it be? Is there a backlash against chronic internet use? Should there be? Could it be that people are actually (gasp) talking face to face?

Current Mood: weird

(4 attemptattempts hashave been made | approach)

24th March 2005

1:35am: like cracked-out heroin-junkie butterflies...
I used to hate how the days seemed to be flying by, and now they can't go fast enough.

Practice went well. I like how the video turned out, although the sound levels were accordingly weird. New guitar doing strange things in regards to staying in tune, which is getting annoying. And so far the only use for the e-bow is for random ambience after songs...

Work...yeah. Tomorrow is when I apply to every place I can think of that is: a) closer than 45 minutes away, b) not a casino, c) not at night, and d) not full of smokers. Willing to take a pay cut; have 5+ years retail experience, as well as managerial experience. Not willing to travel/relocate. Call if interested.

And now, four days of drudgery...
Current Mood: anxious

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23rd March 2005

3:03pm: So many words, yet I am speechless...
Current Mood: indescribable

(10 attemptattempts hashave been made | approach)

20th March 2005

2:56am: post-script to a thought:
At first I wrote out a good couple paragraphs here detailing what's been going through my head lately, then deleted it all and wrote a couple sentences explaining why I deleted it...which soon turned into me writing the same two paragraphs over again. So I'll just say this:



Ok, well, I was going to somehow summarize the same damned paragraphs again, but my mind drew a blank. Kind of like randomly mentioning the Ebola virus in the middle of a conversation...that's how relavant what I came up with was. Literally...

Boring day-to-day news: Got warned at work that I'm absent too much. Being extremely sick coupled with un-missable concerts (which I *did* ask for off and got approved) apparently made me the envy of my co-workers, who are all very quick to relay such feelings to their boss (i.e. they kiss his ass and actually enjoy the time I'm not there so they don't have to tip me out). So he told me that as of today (yesterday, technically), it's as if I've never been absent, and he's going to start counting from here. Damn. The good side was that he told me I work extremely hard "when I'm there" (ha)...I just may not be able to make it to Coachella and Mars Volta (well, probably one but definitely not both) without getting fired. Time to look for a closer job that doesn't have me getting home at 2am...

Current Mood: contemplative

(2 attemptattempts hashave been made | approach)

19th March 2005

2:18am: As cryptic as I can make it...
Have you ever hoped for something no matter how impossible it seems? Have you ever had it pay off? Have you ever had it not? Have you kept on going even though you knew something was too much to hope for?

I have. And I will.

Current Mood: artistic

(5 attemptattempts hashave been made | approach)

14th March 2005

11:59pm: Sidenote
Added some writings to my site that've been sitting around my computer for months. Tried to delete the non-Striction audio samples and wasn't able to do so, for some reason.

To someone: Think about the last thing you said before the conversation ended. Do you still wonder why?

Current Mood: bored

(5 attemptattempts hashave been made | approach)

3:35am: Just got back from Eluvium / Mare / Isis. A great show, by far the heaviest I've ever been to. Eluvium was thankfully very good as an opener, Mare was just plain insane (although the singer was sick and couldn't hit some of the high notes), and Isis was crushingly spot-on as always.

Supposedly the venue (The Casbah) was being dicks to all the bands, and all three played relatively short sets and got off-stage VERY abruptly.

Got to talk to all the members of Mare, and also got them to sign a poster I got at the show. Really cool guys; the drummer was only 18 and couldn't be in the club after they performed (21+ venue), the singer was drunk off his ass, and the bassist was really encouraging about our band.

That's it. I've got a headache and am going off of around five hours of sleep, so I'm going to bed.

Current Mood: good, for the moment

(2 attemptattempts hashave been made | approach)

11th March 2005

3:17am: Clarification-

To Caylin and Dave: I don't hate either one of you. I've talked to 2/3 sides in this situation, and I've given each my honest feedback and not judged anyone.

I was angry at first, but now I realize that I have no right to be. It doesn't concern me. Yes, my circle of friends just became very convoluted. But it always was from the start. This is just the older, post-high school version of our skewed circle. What you guys do in your relationships, as fucked up or as non-fucked up as they may be, is your business. I continue to be available for anyone to call/im at ANY hour, for ANY reason. Goodnight.

Current Mood: bored

(2 attemptattempts hashave been made | approach)

8th March 2005

11:39pm: Made a new possible cover for the first album...assuming it still happens. You can find it on Striction's journal.

Dropped my film class.

Bought a bunch of guitar strings, then realized just now that I'm out of one of the gauges I need. Great.

No new songs for tomorrow. We still need to work on all of the "old" ones. There's no point in writing more when we don't even have our current material under control.

Bit of advice to everyone #1: To get good at something, it takes practice. Years of it. Nobody is automatically good at anything.

Bit of advice to everyone #2: Don't dish it out if you can't take it.

Fuck, I'm angry. Is it bad that I'm getting even better at keeping a straight face?

Current Mood: frustrated

(8 attemptattempts hashave been made | approach)

3:03am: Reminders
People are capable of doling out great amounts of emotional pain by their actions.

I hope things work out for the best for all involved, whichever way that may end up being.

That is all.

Current Mood: disappointed in people

(3 attemptattempts hashave been made | approach)

4th March 2005

music is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

(11 attemptattempts hashave been made | approach)

3rd March 2005

1:38am: I Sing This Song of Sighs
Been reminded lately of the fact that almost nobody tells you what they really think of you to your face, ever. And I do the same. Once again, life doesn't suck. People do.

Practice today was...weird. Couple songs went very well, couple songs took some time. I get less comfortable with a microphone every time I try to sing. I think I'll stick to guitar (at practice, at least). Mat, however, gets better every time I hear him. At one point during "Fine" I listened closer to what Mat was singing and in an instant all the meanings behind the lyrics I'd written came back to me. I started playing like I was trying to kill my guitar. Told Mat I was just "thrashing around since you said I play thrash..." Anything is better than crying.

feel like throwing myself into something
attacking it with nothing but arms
this body breaks hearts breaks minds breaks down
can i trouble you trouble you for me for you for us
has everyone forgotten everyone else

(7 attemptattempts hashave been made | approach)

25th February 2005

1:26pm: Look Ma, an Update
Practice: Went well during the new song we came up with. Mat's vocals are really becoming an integral part of the band, which is awesome. Colin bought a new cymbal to replace the horribly cracked one he had been playing on, and the difference was dramatic. Only downsides during practice: 1) We sucked at all our "old" songs 2) My new guitar still broke a string 3) My old guitar broke a string, and 4) Colin's snare head is destroyed and his bass drum head is pretty much done as well.

School: Turns out I missed a bio quiz I didn't know about when I was sick (well, sicker than I am now). Fuck. We also have a make-up test for the take-home one we just did, since someone (somehow) was caught cheating on it. Fuck. Sociology test on Tuesday, which I don't have 3/4 of the notes for. Fuck. Film class...I have no idea what's going on in there. Why am I even in school?

Alaska is sounding better by the minute. Now if only I could bring the whole band with me...

Current Mood: discontent

(6 attemptattempts hashave been made | approach)

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